Trials and Tribulations of the Pathetic Flonaze's
by lilchibi
Summary: There's a rucus on Gaea as the whole Esca gang tries to battle the blue haired smerf aka Folken and Dilly's forbidden purple spandex and the donut loving Dori and much more much more
1. Default Chapter

The Bony Beeyaches of Escaflowne  
Chapter one  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Lalala (rambles on) oh yeah this is my first humor fic so bear w/ me it may seem very weird. It's really random it's so offensive to Escaflowne, but hey it's a humor fic! Muchos Allen and Dori Bashing! Hope ya like! Pleez read and review or I'll discontinue the story pleez review! (  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne or the crispy cream donut (wish I did though)  
  
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Once a day Dorinkirk the anorexic, skinny, midget would burp, fart, then wheeze, " Folken?" he said throwing up his beloved crispy cream chocolate, jelly flavored donut, " Where the hell is that blue smerf?" he said gasping for air as he sat staring at the t.v screen in a confused, dazed putting his finger to his lip and going blblbblblb. " I'm not blue!" said Folkie giving a sob. The room became quiet as Dori gave a big squeal and said, "Look Folkie it's my beloved girlfriend, the crispy donut!" he said looking it over in awe. Folken slapped his hand to his face then said huffily, " Do you see the damned dragon or not!" he said flicking his white/grayish locks (boy is he really old to have gray hair even though he says he's only 25!). " The dragon? What's a dragon?" he said in a cute girlish voice, " So how are you my precious donut!" he said going googly- eyed while looking at the fattening donut. The donut then remained silent for 5 more minutes. " Donut?" said Dori letting out a sob, " The donut is breaking up with me!" he said crying into the chocolate covered sprinkles, " The Dragon!" said Folkie irritably. " Oh the dragon? The donuts new boyfriend?" " Oh Gods!" said Folkie slapping his face so hard that he knocked himself over. " Oh the dragon!" said Dori trying to eat the donut, but ended up not being able to swallow it without chocking then having to do CPR on himself until the mushy donut flew back into Folken's face. " Oh just find the dragon!" said Dori getting out of his cool metallic rollechair, then falling back down as his boney knees gave way. " Oh Fine!" said Folkie in a whiny voice, " But I get the cool clothes this time!" " No you won't!" said Dori, " I have a date with the donut tonight so I need the cool clothes!" ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
At the Assturian Empire  
" Oh Van!" said Hitomi worriedly, " Fight it Van! Fight it!" she said using her little pendant to see if Van would make it or not. " I can't see the future!" she said with a wine, " This stupid thing must be broken as she threw it out the window. " I can't fight it!" said Van pushing harder and harder. He threw his head back in an agony of defeat. He then spit out the one thing he had eaten all day his semi-precious peanut, " Damn it! I was saving that for dinner!" " I'm just too damned constipated!" he said screaming as he did when Escaflowne was being fixed by the Ispano dudes.  
  
Meanwhile outside the bathroom.  
  
" Rolling! Rolling! Rolling! Keep those hairballs rolling! Rolling rolling rolling!" said Gaddess singing a duet with a drunk Reeden (who happens to have the same Japanese voice as Sonoske from Kenshin). " Another ball bites the dust!" they sang to Queen's song another one bites the dust. " Would you shut up!" said Merle as her fur stood on end, which made her fuzz up like a big afro. She also said this while coughing up another fur-ball.  
  
Meanwhile in Millerna's room.  
  
"I'm to sexy for my guymelef! Too sexy!" said Allen in a sweet, feminine voice, " I'm too sexy for my body! Too sexy!" he said smiling into the glass mirror. He combed his light, blonde locks and batted his eyebrow at the mirror. " This matches my eyebrows!" he said holding up one of Millerna's dresses up to the mirror, " Or this one because it matches my guymelef! Hmmmm!" he said modeling in the mirror, " I'm so fat! I need to go on the Atkins Diet!" he said sadly. " Allen!" said Hitomi knocking on the door of the room quickly. " The elf-munchies aka the dragonslayers are coming! With Dilly and his purple spandex!" she said closing her eyes suddenly then fainting before coming to another one of her visions; death, destruction, and a donut?  
To be continued. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Dun~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Oh no what will Allen do? Will he save everyone or will Van take a laxative and finally poop? What's up with Allen? Why is Dori obsessed with a donut? More on this in the next version of the Boney Beeyaches of Escaflowne. 


	2. Whiney Fignewton Crisper Bars! Dilly on ...

Ch 2 Legend of the Purple Spandex Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne or any of the characters. Some other person in Japan owns them. (Sobs) I want my dilly! So pleez dun sue me cuz I'm really poor! Thnx!!  
  
Hey thnx so much for the reviews for my first chappie! Rai Dorian and Random Pyro I'll take your idea into consideration for future chappies! Thnx sooo much again. I hope this chappie is just as good as the first one w/ a lot more randomness and purple spandex! Yeah! I might not update for a couple of days because of school and other things but I'll try to get the story done! Pleex r+r thnx!  
  
" Allen!" said Hitomi knocking on the door of the room quickly. " The elf- munchies aka the dragonslayers are coming! With Dilly and his purple spandex!" she said closing her eyes suddenly then fainting before coming to another one of her visions; death, destruction, and a donut? ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
( look down)  
  
At the Flying Ship Hovering Over some Random Mountain  
  
" Dillychan!" " What did we do to upset you?" said the dragonslayers in a tear-eyed  
  
manner (imagine them w/ puppy dog eyes!). " Stupid bakas!" said Dilly angrily slapping  
  
the evil elf munchies aka the dragon slayers. " Nobody where's my purple spandex  
  
except me!" " Sorry Lord Dilandau!" they said crying their eyes out in whiney voices, "  
  
Shut up you bunch of girly elf pot muffin figgnewton butt green smerf bars or whatever  
  
the hell you are!" he said haughtily shaking his long bangs away from his face. " Yes  
  
Lord Dilly!" " I said Shutup!" he said even louder! " Yes Lord Dilly!" " Shut the hell  
  
up!" " What a bunch of whiny girls!" " Yes Lord Dilly!" " Shutie Uppie!" he screamed  
  
even louder. " Yes lord dilly!" " Shut." " Yes Lord Dilly!" " Shu!" "Yes Lord Dilly" "  
  
Aggh!" screamed Dilandau as he grabbed his red and black flame thrower, " This'll teach  
  
you girly freaks to shut up when I tell you!" he screamed grabbing out his metallic flame  
  
thrower whirling it around in sailor moon fashion and screamed, " Purple Spandex  
  
Burning! Floosh!" then pretty bubbles floated around evil Dillychan, " Take this!" he  
  
screamed as red and black bubbles flowed from the flamethrower and burnt the girly  
  
dragon slayers to a crisp, " Forgive Us LORD Dilandau!" they screamed whinely from  
  
their remaining ashes, " Shut the hell up! He said running out of the terribly torched  
  
room into the control center of the evil Donut lover and Blue Smerf.  
  
" Folken when are we going to attack the anorexic Van and his bitches?" ( Silence....  
  
crickets are chirping in background). " Silence is Golden golden!" said Folken in a  
  
monotone voice trying not to laugh at the flustered Dilly. " Your such a freak Folken!  
  
You really are like one of those annoying blue smerfs! You always hum that damn song  
  
like they do!" " What did you call me!" said Folken in a high squeaky voice, " A Blue  
  
Smerf!" said Dilly irratatedly. " Damn you!" said Folken and with that he ran towards  
  
Dilandau gave him a wedgie and stole the legendary purple spandex. " Damn you  
  
Folken! Give me back the Purple Spandex their power only works for me and some guy  
  
on Gundam Wing only we look sexy in our spandex!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Will Van and his peeps get their in time to save the day? What about Allen? Will Van  
  
take a laxitive? What about the purple spandex will Dilly ever be reunite with his one  
  
true love? Wait until next time when all these questions will be answered! 


End file.
